


The Golden Bone

by sullymygoodname



Series: Sex Bloopers [16]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Discussion of watersports, M/M, introspective patrick, no actual watersports tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 05:04:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20718560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sullymygoodname/pseuds/sullymygoodname
Summary: It's not a thing he'd ever considered before. Although, he might say that about a lot of things he's done in the last year. Except, after some self-examination, he'd realized at some point that he very much thought about those things in the past. Kissing a man. Touching a man. Being touched in return. Sex. All the sex. Well, most of the sex. He's done things with David he'd never heard of before.





	The Golden Bone

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly? I don't know. This just happened. Title is from [Golden Streams](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxO3FpUtohw) by The Hidden Cameras. (There are no watersports in this fic. Only talking.)

* * *

They had fallen, laughing, onto the unmade bed as soon as they got back to Patrick's new apartment nearly half an hour ago, but in that time they've barely managed to remove any clothing. The sheets are rumpled beneath them in bunches and tangles, which normally David would deem incorrect, but apparently he's too excited about Patrick finally having his own place to mention it. Also, they might both be a little drunk.

Mostly, they've just been making out this whole time, gently rocking against each other. Patrick mouths a path down David's neck and chest, teasing a nipple with his tongue, rubbing his cheek roughly against David's chest hair, loving the way it feels on his skin. He moves lower, following the trail of hair to the top of David's drawstring waistband. Patrick presses the heel of his hand into the bulge in David's pants.

"Stop!" David gasps above him, high-pitched and breathy. "Stop stop stop!"

Patrick pulls his hand away like it's been burned, or like he's burned David, and sits up, eyes wide. "What? What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

"No. No, you're fine. I just—" David squeezes his eyes shut. "I really need to pee and, unless you're into watersports, you have to let me up right now." He opens his eyes, and smiles sheepishly.

"Oh." Patrick sits back on his heels, breathing out heavily. "Yeah. Okay."

David pauses mid-turn at the edge of the bed. "O-okay? As in... you... are...?"

Patrick blinks. "I meant okay as in go pee."

"Right." David nods. But still doesn't move. "Because, I mean, it's okay if you are..."

Patrick blinks some more. "If that means what I think it means, then I don't think I am, no." He tips his head to the side, studying a still not-moving David. "Are—are you into...?"

David looks frozen for a minute, like a video buffering. Then he looks pained and his hand goes down to his dick, holding himself as he stands up. "I don't have time to answer that right now," he says, before scurrying to the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.

It's a small apartment and, even though the bathroom has a door now, Patrick can still hear David pee. He really, really had to go.

He finishes taking his socks and jeans off, tossing them into the hamper. Then he picks up David's sweatshirt from the side of the bed, folds it, and lays it on the chair in the corner. Sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for David to come back out, he starts... thinking.

It's not a thing he'd ever considered before. Although, he might say that about a lot of things he's done in the last year. Except, after some self-examination, he'd realized at some point that he very much thought about those things in the past. Kissing a man. Touching a man. Being touched in return. Sex. All the sex. Well, most of the sex. He's done things with David he'd never heard of before.

Patrick has, of course, heard of watersports, but only ever in jokes. Not—not as something real, not as something actually sexy. How is it sexy?

He _does_ enjoy it when David comes on him. That was a new thing he'd never thought about before, but he... he really likes that.

He just doesn't think he could get over the smell. Urine is... smelly. They would definitely need to shower immediately after. Or, maybe they would already be in the shower for something like that? That seems logical. Otherwise they'd need a... tarp or something.

It doesn't sound sexy, any way he thinks about it. Does David like it, though? What aspects of it would he like?

Finally, Patrick hears the toilet flush and water running. The sound forces him to get up and walk over to the bathroom. David jumps back when he opens the door to find Patrick standing there.

"Now I have to pee," Patrick says with a shrug, standing there in just his boxer briefs. He slides past David, into the bathroom, and turns when David doesn't leave. "Uh, by myself."

With a nod, David scoots out of the doorway. Before he closes the door, Patrick turns back to him.

"Do you—"

"I don't like it," David says, quickly. "But, yes, I've... I've done that. Or let someone. Do. That. I'm not into it, though. For myself. But I can—" 

"No," Patrick says, just as quickly. "I don't—me neither." They stand there, awkwardly watching each other over the bathroom threshold. Eventually, Patrick shuffles back, hand on the door. "I do have to pee, though, so... be right back."

He closes the door and exhales as quietly as he can. It still seems to echo off the walls. Patrick studies his very small bathroom for a moment.

The shower is really not big enough for two grown men.

* * *


End file.
